Where Does Dad Fit In?

You and your partner have celebrated the upcoming event, you've taken part in sharing the exciting news, and received congratulations from family and friends, now what?

For dads-to-be around the world, pregnancy can challenge their very being. As the attention is shifted from you and your partner as a couple, to mom and baby, you may start to feel that you're on the outside looking in.

All of a sudden everything seems to be changing at a rapid pace. Your relationship with your parents, your goals for the future, even your daily routine is not what you remember.

As you watch as your partner struggles with morning sickness, fatigue, body aches, mood swings, and body image issues, you feel a sense of helplessness, not being able to help ease these symptoms.

As yet another person asks how your partner is feeling, you want to scream "What about me"?

Trying to juggle the finances to meet the ever-growing list of needed baby items, the possibility of needing a new car, a new house, the stress continues to grow.

Tips for keeping your relationship close:

Talk with your partner about your hopes and dreams, fears and anxieties, of having a child together. She is more than likely feeling the same fears.

Plan to regularly spend time together as a couple. Going for moonlight walks, quiet dinners, or just spending time listening to your favorite music together.

Talk about how your lives are changing and will change. Discuss ways that you both can slow down and enjoy this pregnancy together.

Start to take on more of the household chores. Offering to cook dinner or do the dishes will go a long way in the eyes of your exhausted partner.

Re-assure your partner that she will make a great mother.

Re-assure your partner of your love, and your desire to be with her. Regularly tell your partner that you love her. Although she already knows this, hearing it from you on makes a dreary day so much brighter.

Allow your partner to express both the positive and negatives of being pregnant without having to fix it. Sometimes all she needs is your ear and your support.

Work with your partner to get the nest ready for the new arrival. Help with rearranging furniture, doing laundry, preparing extra meals for those first few days when baby is home.

Let your partner know that you want to be with her for doctor visits, birth classes, and the birth of your baby.

While at the bookstore or library choosing books for your wife, be sure to take the time to find one for yourself. Better yet choose books you can read together as a couple.

Time for yourself:

Just as your partner needs time alone to reflect on the changes happening in her body and life, you too might want to take the time to reflect on how you're feeling. Some of the things that you can do for yourself are:

Reflect on how you're feeling about becoming a father. What kind of relationship do you want to have with your child?

Talk with other new fathers about how they felt when their children were born. Ask for tips on how to survive those first few weeks.

Talk to your father or grandfather about how it was for them when you were born. What kind of fears did they experience. What if anything would they do differently?

Begin to plan for the birth of your child. How flexible is your boss on time off for you to attend the birth of your baby, and perhaps a few days afterwards? Put in for time off early if possible. Check to see if your boss will allow you to have a pre-arranged amount of time off at a moment's notice.

Get to know the other dads-to-be in your childbirth class. Chances are they're feeling the same rollercoaster of emotions as you. Perhaps they'll have some tips on dealing with the day-to-day stress of being pregnant.

Behind closed doors:

Like everything during pregnancy, sex changes. Your partner's changing body, her nausea and vomiting, fatigue, your fear about hurting the baby, can all play a role in altering your sexual relationship.

Open and honest communication with your partner will help to alleviate both of your fears.

If you cannot get past the fear of hurting your baby, talk to your partner's doctor. He or she can explain all of the risk factors, and will explain what you can and cannot do. But you have to ask!

You will experience some changes, but sex doesn't have to cease.

Tips for maintaining a satisfying sexual relationship during pregnancy:

Keep the lines of communication open with your partner. Encourage her to tell you what feels good, and what doesn't.

Experiment with different positions, finding one that you both find comfortable. Remember though, what feels good today might not tomorrow, so be prepared to be flexible.

Sex does not always have to include intercourse. Find other ways of being intimate and physically close to your partner. A massage can go a long way!

Remember to take the time to be romantic! Hold her hand. Give her a hug or a kiss just because. Send or pick her flowers just to brighten her day. Don't expect that every touch will lead to the bedroom. The more loving you are to your partner, the more receptive she's likely to become.

Dimming the lights or burning candles will help your partner feel less self-conscious about her growing body. Reassuring your partner that she is still beautiful and desirable will also help her get over these fears.

Let her know that it's ok for her to say no, just as it's ok for you to say no. Make sure that she knows that just because you don't want to make love, doesn't mean you love her less.

For more information:

• Find out what other moms are saying: Where Does Dad Fit In?