Are You Ready to Adopt?

If you have been struggling with infertility for some time, you may come to a point in your treatment when you must make a choice: continue your current ART or try a different procedure, accept that you will remain childless, or consider adoption.

Some couples report feeling a sense of failure if they decide to adopt. The woman must come to terms with the fact that she will never feel her baby kick from within or experience childbirth; while the man may mourn the fact that his bloodline will end with his death. These feelings are normal and it's important to acknowledge and work through them before you proceed with the adoption process. Be sure you have come to terms with your loss before bringing a child into the situation.

Although you can certainly explore adoption while you are still undergoing infertility treatment, both are extremely time consuming and stressful and many experts recommend focusing your energy on only one. If you do decide to proceed with both simultaneously, you must consider what you would do if you discover that you are pregnant around the same time you receive news that you have been approved for a child. Or what if you are scheduled to undergo your next cycle of IVF at the same time you must travel across the country or internationally to adopt a baby?

There is no "right" time to stop infertility treatments and pursue adoption. Only you will know when you are ready to take the next step and bring a needy child into your family. The following is a brief outline of some important points of the adoption process to help you determine if you are read to adopt.

Agency adoptions

Independent adoptions

Adoption laws and regulations vary between states, so be sure you know what types of adoptions are legal in your state. If you decide to adopt a child in another state, you must comply with the laws in both states. If you adopt a child internationally, you must comply with the laws in both countries.

If you want to adopt a child in the welfare or foster care systems, the child may already have been (or will shortly be) legally released for adoption, or you may accept placement of a child who may still be reunited with his or her biological family, or become a foster parent and then begin the process to adopt that child. Cost

The cost of adoption can vary widely, depending on your geographic area and the type of adoption you choose. Domestic adoptions can cost between a few hundred dollars and $30,000, although the average is between $15,000 and $20,000. If you adopt a child in the U.S. - whether through an agency or independently - you'll probably need to pay at least some of the birth mother's expenses, which can include medical costs as well as housing and food, depending on where you live. These expenses can exceed $7,500. You can also end up paying as much as $5,000 to $10,000 in lodging, meal and travel costs, depending on the distance between you and the child.

However, you may be eligible for the federal tax credit of up to $10,160 per domestic adoption attempt. In addition, some employers (65 percent of Fortune 500 companies) provide adoption benefits, such as counseling, leave for adoptive mothers and fathers, and reimbursement for expenses. Public Agency (domestic)

Range: $0 - $2,500

If you adopt a "waiting child," as children in the U.S. welfare and foster care systems are called, you will pay minimal costs and receive many incentives. Most public agencies deal exclusively with "special needs" children - a term that can have different definitions in different states.

A few nonprofit agencies only charge court filing costs ($100 to $150); however, most adoption agencies charge for home study, counseling for the birth parents and the prospective adoptive parents, medical expenses and foster care, if applicable. The home study evaluation report must be completed by a state-licensed social worker and the report typically costs between $750 and $2,500, depending on where you live. In total, agency fees, travel expenses, and attorney's fees can add up to $2,500. However, agencies usually lower or waive their fees for these children and the government will reimburse you for your adoption expenses, including travel and legal bills, up to $2,000.

Private Agency (domestic)

Range: $4,000 - $30,000 or more

The fees charged by private, licensed agencies include birth parent counseling, adoptive parent home study and counseling, birth parent's expenses, post-placement supervision (until the adoption is finalized), and general agency fees. You can save money if you locate your own birth parent, and some agencies also offer a sliding fee scale based on your income.

Independent Adoption (domestic)

Range: $8,000 - $30,000 or more

Most states allow independent adoptions, but not all will allow you to seek a birth parent by advertising in newspapers, magazines, or other methods. Costs associated with an independent adoption include advertising, legal representation (for yourself and possibly for the birth parents, depending on you state's laws), and birth expenses.

An attorney will cost between $5,000 and $7,000 and $2,000 for legal representation for the birth parent(s). Even if you don't use an attorney to locate a birth mother or arrange the adoption, you will probably use one to finalize the adoption in court.

International Adoption (private agency or independent)

Range: $7,000 - $30,000

Adopting internationally can be as expensive as adopting domestically when you factor in travel expenses and adoption costs in two countries. Costs for an international adoption include agency fees, immigration processing fees, and court costs, as well as travel expenses or escorting fees (if the adoptive parents don't travel to meet the child), foster care, and medical care and/or treatment for the child, if necessary. Depending on the requirements of the foreign country, an international adoption could range between $10,000 to more than $30,000. Time

Although the average adoption is completed within two years, it's impossible to estimate how long the entire process may take in any one case. You may have a child in several short months, or be mired in paperwork or waiting for a child for years. This unpredictability can be hard to endure, and there can be many false starts and adoptions that fall apart at the last moment. The amount of time required is partially determined by what kind of adoption you are undertaking and what kind of child you want to adopt. For example, if you are looking for a Caucasian newborn from the U.S., it may take you longer than if you are interested in an older baby or child with a disability from Latin or South America or Asia.

The Adoption Process

Whether you use an agency or a private lawyer to adopt in the U.S. or another country, you must complete what's known as "home study." This includes counseling and culminates in a written evaluation of you and your family by a state-licensed social worker. The agency worker assigned to your case will usually perform the home study; however, if you are adopting independently, you can still use an agency to do your home study, or you may contract with an independent state-licensed social worker.

When you begin searching for a child - whether through an agency worker or through private solicitation - don't be afraid to be brutally honest with yourselves and with your adoption counselor or agent about the kind of child you want. If you don't want an older child, one with limitations or disabilities, or one of a different race, say so. It is better to set expectations now than return a child after he or she has been placed with you.

Your Marital Status and Age

Some agencies and foreign countries have age restrictions for adoptive parents. For instance, they may only consider couples who are between the ages of 25 and 40, who have been married at least 1 to 3 years, and who have stable employment income. Some agencies even require that the couple have no other children and be unable to bear children, while others require that one parent not work outside the home for at least six months after the adoption.

However, there are many agencies and countries that have no restrictions on age, marital status, or other children in the home. And don't worry if you're not "perfect;" most agencies are interested only in ensuring you will provide a loving family for the child. In most cases:

• You may be married or single, childless or already parenting other children.
• Having a disability will not prevent you from adopting a child. Agencies want to ensure that you can care for a child, ensure his or her safety, and meet his or her needs.
• Divorce or a history of marital or personal counseling will not preclude you as an adoptive parent.
• You are not required to own your own home or to have a high income. Agencies are more concerned that you will provide the child with stability, love, and care.

Emotional Readiness

Be sure that both you and your partner (if applicable) are ready to adopt, are doing it for the right reasons, and have come to terms with any sense of loss because the child won't be born to you. Don't adopt him or her just because you are lonely or empty or feel sorry for the child. Adopt him or her because you want to be a parent. Ask yourself if you are ready to handle a child that may resent you and the adoption and grieve for the loss of his or her birth family. To find out more information about adopting, go on to the Child Welfare Gateway Website where you can find fact sheets, agency contact information, and reading lists to educate you further about the process of adopting a child.