Domestic Violence

Each year, as many as 4 million American women are abused by their husbands, boyfriends, ex-husbands, or intimate partners, according to the Department of Health and Human Services. Sadly, the number of abuse victims is likely much higher as it is believed that only 20 percent of rapes or sexual assaults, 25 percent of physical assaults, and 50 percent of stalkings by intimate partners are reported. Although domestic violence affects women of every social, economic, racial, religious and age group, women of American Indian/Alaskan Native, African-American, and Hispanic women are more likely to suffer abuse, as are young women and those living below the poverty line.

Intimate partner violence (IPV) is the most common cause of injury to women ages 15 to 44 and it comes in many different forms, including physical, sexual, emotional, economic, and psychological. But every type of abuse is defined as one partner using physical force, threats, manipulation, intimidation, isolation or other behavior to gain or maintain power and control over the other partner.

The damage inflicted by abuse can be wide-ranging and life-threatening. According to the CDC (Centers for Disease Control), IPV results in nearly 2 million injuries and 1,300 deaths nationwide every year. The physical wounds these women suffer include bruises, knife wounds, broken bones, central nervous system disorders, symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder, and gastrointestinal disorders. The psychological consequences of abuse can include depression, suicidal behavior, anxiety, low self-esteem, and antisocial behavior.

Are You Being Abused?

There is often a fine between heated arguments and abuse, and an abusive relationship can evolve slowly over time - it may be hard to determine if and when abuse begins. If you feel you may be abused, ask yourself these questions (provided by the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists):

Does the person you love:

• Threaten to hurt you or your children?
• Say it's your fault if he or she hits you, then promises it won't happen again (but it does)?
• Put you down in public or keep you from contacting family or friends?
• Throw you down, push, hit, choke, kick, or slap you?
• Force you to have sex when you don't want to?

If you answered yes to just one of these questions you are involved in an abusive relationship.

Abuse generally follows a pattern of anger/abuse followed by remorse and promises never to do it again, only to be followed by another bout of anger or depression and abuse. Every time the cycle occurs, it worsens and the interval between each stage shortens.

What to Do

It can be difficult to extricate yourself from an abusive relationship. It can also be dangerous, so take steps to protect yourself and your children. If possible, plan your escape ahead of time and enlist the help of trusted friends and/or family members.

First, get you and your children to a safe place. Go to a family member's house, a neighbor's, a nearby hospital or women's shelter. If possible, take your keys, money, any prescription medication, extra clothes and any important papers with you. Once you are safe, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-SAFE or 7233) or the police if you want to bring charges or if you are in immediate danger.

The fastest way to get legal help is to file for a Court Order of Protection, a legal notice that requires the abuser to stop the violence and abuse. It can require the abuser to stay away from you and prevent him or her from contacting you in any way. It can also award you temporary custody of your children and ensure that he or she pays child and/or spousal support and that your insurance coverage continues.

To get a Court Order of Protection, you must fill out an application, which can be obtained at the local courthouse, women's shelters, legal offices, and some police stations. The court will then set a hearing date when you will have to appear in court to convince the judge that you were threatened with, or suffered, abuse. If you need immediate protection because you believe you are in danger, ask for an Emergency (Ex Parte) Order. This is signed the same day you apply, before the abuser knows about the action, and will give you immediate protection once it is served on the abuser until there is a hearing.

You are not alone. There are many resources available to help you if you are being abused. If you stay in the relationship, the abuse will not stop. The only way to protect you and your children is to leave the abuser and remove yourself from the situation. No one deserves to be abused