There comes a time in the life of every new parent, usually sooner than later, when they feel the time is right to have their child sleep through the night. Whether they arrive at this point as a result of exhaustion or frustration, or both, they begin to look into ways to help their child sleep better and, hopefully, longer. This is usually the time when parents first learn about "The Ferber Sleep Method."
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Dr. Richard Ferber is the director of The Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders at the Children's Hospital in Boston. Ferber's Sleep Method, sometimes called "Ferberizing," has become very popular with parents and pediatricians, though both groups readily admit that this method is not for everyone. Some feel that Dr. Ferber's book, "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" is a godsend, others feel it can make both babies and parents suffer.
Ferber's method takes a progressive approach to getting your child to fall asleep and stay asleep through the night. It involves putting your child to bed while awake and teaching your child to fall asleep on his or her own. The Ferber method advises that you leave the room once you put your child to bed and say goodnight. If your child cries, you must wait a certain amount of time before checking on them. (The period of time suggested in Ferber's book depends on your comfort level, how long you've been using it and how many times you've already checked on your child that particular evening.)
When you do return to your child's room to check on them, soothe them with your voice and rub your child gently with your hand, but do not pick them up, rock them, or feed them during these checks. Ferber believes that in many cases waking up is a learned behavior, which the child may have associated with some type of reward, and by removing the reward(s) associated with waking up, a child will learn to sleep through the night.
According to Ferber, the next step is to gradually increase the amount of time between checks. After about a week, according to Ferber, your child will learn that crying earns nothing more than a brief visit, and that it isn't worth the effort. They learn to fall asleep on their own. It should be noted that the Ferber Method is recommended only for children six months of age or older, after their need for a nighttime feeding has passed.
Changing behavior is never easy, and can be complicated tenfold when it involves your own child. Our need to "make it all better" can get in the way of teaching our children to sleep through the night. Many parents are not comfortable letting a child cry for any period of time. It is that fact that has raised controversy over Ferber's method. Still for those parents who can do it, it may offer a quick and relatively easy solution to the problem of getting a good night's rest, for everyone.
Babies are really smart and pick up very quickly what they can get away with. Our son is almost 5 months old. His mother really can not bear to hear him cry. But last week after several sleepless nights she finally relented and try my (daddy's) way. It was harder on the mother than our son. In only tree night he stopped crying. He now talks himself to sleep. If only I could now convince my wife to feed him each time he makes the slightest sound during the night we would all get a good nights sleep. In the beginning parenting is more about learning how to be a parent than to teach your baby. Still I waited 22 years an I would not want to miss it for the world.
LASHAWN on 11/19/2009 6:16:01 AM
I tried this method last night,i had TO pick her UP couldn't stand TO see her cry. once I took her TO MY room and laid her down IN MY bed she continue wanted TO play. I kept patting her back like I normally DO TO get her TO sleep finally she did IN NO time. then I place her IN her bed for A good night sleep. SO IM saying for ME I actually, rock her TO sleep then place her IN her crib..not let her cry. however, I think the ferber method could work but its not for ME.
anonymous on 11/7/2009 5:47:31 PM
I think babies can manipulate their parents, I have seen it. I think this is a personal preference. I also think depending on the baby and the parent if this method is good for them. When they reach a certain age I think it's ok.
first time mom on 11/5/2009 8:49:35 PM
I feel lucky. My daughter kinda did this on her own. She isnt a baby that likes to be held to long, so after I fed and burp her I will lay her in her crib tell her i love her, turn on her mobile and leave the room. she falls asleep and sleeps till morning. however i do use this for nap time. she fights it and theres times when i have tried everything and nothing work except to lay her in her bed and let her cry it out. its not that i dont love her, but i feel she gets over tired and doesnt know what to do with herself.
still as parents we need to do what we feel is best for our child. me i like to think my daughter is going to become a very independant child.
Arezoo on 9/30/2009 6:47:57 AM
It's so hard to bear and see your own child to cry...it could lead her to anxiety...I don't like this method
Ethel on 9/22/2009 4:53:03 AM
I have coincidental tried it and it has worked perfectly. sometimes babies develop a habit of crying just because they know mama/papa picks me up when i cry. If my baby cries at times when she has been properly fed, is not hungry, a nappy already changed, when i live her for a certain period of time without picking her up, she stops crying and starts playing or either falls a sleep. It's is not that i don't love her but we need to teach children from that tender age. Babies do think. Why does a baby start crying when you put her down and try to move away, it means the baby thinks, they know this person is leaving me alone here.
jo on 9/4/2009 8:26:11 AM
i tried this method, it just wasnt for me. i couldnt stand hearing my son scream, for me (a full time working mother) it was more worth it to loose the hour of sleep and give him a bath and warm bottle than it was to hear him yelling and see him cry actual tears. he sleeps through the night now, its all a waiting game. eventually they want to sleep all night.while sleepless nights can be hard on you and daddy, alternating nights where one parent wakes up with the baby and the other sleeps can help. push through it, and eventually all of you will get a good nights sleep. and really? who thought having children would be easy?
Anonymous on 8/31/2009 6:46:11 AM
I can't believe they suggest the Ferber Method! It's horrible. Babies stop crying because they know it's not worth it is not a good thing. Babies can't manipulate their parents, they're not capable of that. Parents pick up their babies when they need to be held during the day so why would you stop just because it's dark out.
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